


Three in the Morning

by Spaghettibopp



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay Disasters Sayori and Monika, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Light Angst, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19717843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaghettibopp/pseuds/Spaghettibopp
Summary: It was three in the morning when there was a sudden knock at the door.---Monika visits Sayori in the middle of the night in search of comfort and a place to sleep. Sayori does her best to provide, but her own feelings threaten to spill out at the worst of times.





	Three in the Morning

It was three in the morning when there was a sudden knock at the door. The time only vaguely registered to Sayori as she leapt from bed and sped through the house, hands shaking with shock by the time she pulled open the door. "You really weren't kidding about coming over." She laughed, hoping to ease the nerves of her unexpected visitor. Although Monika may have appeared calm and collected to the untrained eye, Sayori could tell by her hunched posture and shaky smile that she was distraught. At Sayori's laugh, Monika went for one of her own, but it sounded like cheap plastic compared to what Sayori had gotten used to hearing.

She stepped aside to let her friend in, watching as she placed her shoes in the cubby. Sayori could reasonably assume from the crumpled day clothes Monika wore that she hadn't slept or even gotten ready for bed. From their text conversations, Sayori knew what had kept her up, but she hadn't known that it was _this_ bad. Seemingly caught up in her own thoughts, Monika walked to the couch with the tension of the world in her shoulders. One of her hands were clenched white around a bag that she continued to cling to even as she settled into the cushions.

She offered Monika some coffee, one of the few things that she kept stocked in her kitchen. It was so much easier to order takeout than go to the store, especially when even getting out of bed felt like a chore. It wasn't until Monika started spending time with her that she began keeping things like coffee on hand. Sayori didn't even drink coffee, not without gratuitous amounts of sugar in it, and even then she preferred it in Monika's hands than her own.

Sayori moved on autopilot as she started brewing a pot. Silence filled the space between them, broken only by the noises of the coffeemaker as she got it started. It would take time to finish, so she ventured back into the living room, hoping that something would change on the way, and that she would find the words to help her friend.

As she plopped onto the chair opposite the couch, the room as still as ever, she suddenly noticed how much colder everything seemed now that she was out of bed. She felt so exposed to the temperature, so open and vulnerable to its attack in just short sleeves and gym shorts. The chill was seeping into her skin and leaking into her bones, and without a distraction, it felt like it would overtake her completely.

Monika shifted a bit, her face a cold mix of uncertainty and discomfort. She looked like someone losing a battle against relentless waves of bad thoughts, unsure if it was even worth it to keep fighting. The bag in her lap seemed heavy, and her hands were firmly locked onto its handles. Sayori couldn't help but guess at the contents and why Monika was holding onto them like they were her only lifeline. A terrifying thought crossed her mind like a blast of frigid air, adding to her already growing concern. _Is she ... running away?_

It felt like forever since the last time Monika talked to her, and when she finally spoke, Sayori clung to every word. "I brought some things to stay overnight. _If_ that's alright with you, of course." Her voice alone calmed something in Sayori, and the reassurance that it was just an overnight stay further eased the weight she had been carrying. She let out a shaky breath, trying to release some of the tension. This was something she could reassure Monika about. She could handle this.

With a smile, she tried to meet Monika's eyes, connect with her. "Yes, that'd be fine! You're always welcome here, Monika." She needed to reach out to her, to slowly ease her into talking about the elephant in the room. Sayori could not bring herself to push Monika into talking if she wasn't ready yet, but she wanted to do _something_ about the silence between them. There was also a question that rested in her mind, a thought she needed to ask, but couldn't. Not before Monika opened up about what had happened. It felt wrong not to ask, but it would be painful to bring up. _Later,_ she promised herself, _I can ask her later._

The minutes ticked by with nothing but chilling silence to fill them. Even with the darkness outside and the clock showing an absurd time to be awake, Sayori didn't feel tired in the least. Her leg bounced as every empty moment made her feel even more on edge. It felt like she never shut up around Monika, and even their quiet moments had a content warmness to them. _This,_ on the other hand, felt like torture. She was watching her friend suffer in front of her, and yet she could find no words to ease the tension in her shoulders. She was too scared of saying the wrong thing, of losing her footing in this minefield and destroying the trust that Monika had put in her. She had to be patient and wait for Monika to come to her. That was why she had come here of all places, right? She trusted Sayori.

The coffee finished, but still they didn't speak. Sayori pointedly ignored the slight shake in her hands as she handed the hot mug to Monika, missing the warmth but glad that her friend would have it instead. After the night she'd had, she clearly deserved it more.

"Thanks Sayori."

Just hearing her voice, however quiet it was, replaced the warmth from the mug that Sayori had given up. She wanted her to keep talking, to never leave another moment of silence between them again. "No probs." She tried for a dorky smile in the hopes that it would make her laugh, but Monika was too focused on the coffee table to notice.

\---

It wasn't until a quarter 'til four that they spoke again.

Even though the night was weighing heavily on them, they both needed rest. While Monika went to change, Sayori began to prepare to sleep on the couch, grabbing a spare blanket and pillow, as well as her favorite plushie, from her room. She could fall asleep practically anywhere if she was tired enough, so one night on the couch would be just fine for her.

Monika came back in a white shirt so large it reached her knees, the look of it on her nearly sending Sayori into a flustered panic despite the situation. She reasoned that it was probably the only thing she could grab on such short notice, and tried to force those pesky feelings down. It was _not_ the time to be thinking about how she felt, not when her friend needed her.

Oblivious to Sayori's inner turmoil, Monika set her bag down on the table, her old clothes nearly spilling out of the top. "Alright, well ... I guess this is goodnight." She went to turn off the living room light, but paused just at the switch. "Ah, do you need the light to see to get up the stairs?"

Sayori couldn't trust herself not to fumble over the words she needed to respond, so she just sat on the couch and partially covered her lap with a blanket instead. The thin material was like ice against her skin, and a gentle breeze made her realize just how thin the sheet was. But that didn't matter, not if it meant that Monika would get to spend the night in her thick comforter. As long as _she_ was warm and content, Sayori would be fine.

She got an exhausted sigh in return. "Sayori, I can't let you do that. Not in your own house." Monika strut over to her, her eyebrows knitted together in firm determination. She loomed over her, hand on hip, but Sayori refused to budge.

Gulping down her nerves, Sayori shook her head and finally found her voice. "You are my guest and my friend. You should get a good night's sleep, especially after...." She cringed at the slip-up, letting the rest of the sentence fade into nothingness. The words remained unsaid, but her meaning was clearly heard, if the sudden stiffness in Monika's posture was any indication. Desperate to remedy the situation, Sayori crawled beneath the covers and laid on her back, one arm wrapped around her bird plush. "See? The couch isn't that bad!"

Monika pursed her lips, disapproval evident in her features. "Then let me take it." She moved to pull back the blanket, but Sayori had an iron grip on it. With every tug, the irritation on Monika's face grew until she was growling out her name. " _Sayori._ " Then, with a dramatic sigh, she gave up, rubbing at her face instead. "I'm too tired to deal with this right now."

"Then take the bed."

"Sayori...." Monika glared down at her, and Sayori couldn't help but feel a bit of pride that she was winning the fight. Sure, it would have been wrong to say she was truly happy for making Monika so mad, but the payoff would be worth the frustration. Monika would have nice, comfortable rest, and knowing that she was sparing her a night spent tossing and turning on the couch made Sayori smile, just a bit. She was doing the right thing.

Suddenly, Monika's expression changed completely. Her eyebrows raised in that way they did whenever she got an idea, and out of nowhere she was smiling down at her. The way the light from above shadowed her face only added to the menacing look, not helped by Monika bending down to get closer to Sayori.

"You're not going to move, is what you're saying?" There was a warning laced in her words, something along the lines of _'This is your last chance.'_ Sayori felt her heart rate rise and stomach churn, but she stood her ground and nodded.

Almost immediately, Monika was on top of her, elbows knocking into her stomach and knees kicking into her until her back was on Sayori's front. "I guess I'll just have to sleep like this then." Her hair, free of its usual ponytail, covered Sayori's face, and even as she moved it out of the way, Sayori still tasted some in her mouth.

"Bleh." She picked them out, her actions making Monika shift. Every movement was uncomfortable, the girl's full weight resting on Sayori's body. Even through the sheets, she could feel Monika's bony shoulders and toned legs. In any other situation, those sensations would leave her blushing and at a loss for words. And sure, her heart was beating faster, but she wouldn't let that get in the way of her goals. If Monika was being this unreasonable about the situation, then Sayori would show her just how stubborn _she_ could be.

She kept her voice sweet and unconcerned as she responded. "Alright, if you want to, I guess you can." She adjusted her position as much as she could without sending Monika into the coffee table, acting as though she was getting comfortable. If this triggered any doubt in her friend, then Monika didn't show it. In fact, her voice was as smooth as Sayori's as she replied.

"But wouldn't the bed be _so_ much more comfortable? Don't you just wanna snuggle up in the covers and go to sleep?"

"Mmm, the bed _is_ comfortable, but I actually prefer the couch. You could sleep in the bed then, since it's open."

A pause. A decision.

"Actually, I kind of like the couch too, so I'll just stay here."

After a few moments of silence, Sayori realized that Monika was - maybe, possibly - serious. At the very least, she wasn't going to give up easy. Sayori could push her off, but they were too close to the coffee table for that to be safe. Instead, she just had to wait it out. If this was a test of patience and will, then she surely could win.

"You thinking of giving up now, Sayori?"

She shifted just a bit, if only to have something to do. "Nah, just getting comfortable. What about you? Ready for a good night's sleep in the bed?"

"Nope! I'm just fine."

They both waited for the other to admit defeat. In _this_ quiet, this silly and comforting quiet, Sayori could pretend that things were okay. She found herself appreciating the warmth Monika's body provided, doing a much better job at keeping her cozy than the blanket would have done. Sure, it was an awkward position, but she was getting used to it.

It wasn't long until one of them broke.

"God Sayo, what are we doing?" Monika's body started moving, convulsing as she laughed. Unable to help herself, Sayori started to do the same. "We're so ridiculous. Here, let me get off you." Still giggling, Monika tried to roll off of her, but only succeeded in giving Sayori a swift elbow to the stomach. Unable to find a good position with the limited space they had, she used the back of the couch to prop herself up and turn over.

Her hands ended up on either side of Sayori's head, face close enough for Sayori to count the faint freckles dusting Monika's face. They weren't nearly as prominent as Sayori's own, but she thought they were so much cuter. Like many things about Monika, they were easily missed, glanced over so others could admire only the parts of her they wanted to see. Everyone wanted her for the put-on perfection, the polite smiles and good grades and mature body. No one wanted to see the faded stretch marks on her hips, the isolated scar on her wrist, the loneliness in her eyes. No one wanted to talk about what it took for Monika to be perfect. Even her parents only recognized the results, willfully oblivious to the toll it had on their daughter.

She drove to someone else's house at three in the morning just to get away from them.

No, not just a random friend's house, but _Sayori's._

"I- right, sorry." Monika gave her a wavering smirk as she carefully pulled herself away and off of the couch. Sayori tried not to look too disappointed as the earlier chill filled the space where her friend was. Monika was so close, it would have been easy to grab her wrist and tug her back into Sayori's arms. The couch barely had enough room for one, though, and there was no way Monika would let her do that. If she ever found out about her feelings, there would be no more moments like this. She would be disgusted, surely, and suddenly be busy anytime Sayori wanted to talk or spend time with her. Sayori had to accept that it was friendship or nothing at all.

"You know...." Monika's voice clashed against Sayori's thoughts, fighting them back enough to bring her back to the real world, but not driving them away entirely. The girl herself was looking away, her form suddenly tense again. "If you were comfortable, we could share the bed?"

An innocent question. Completely innocent, and logical too. And yet, it was as if lightning had struck Sayori. She could feel every part of her body twitch, flinch at the mere _idea_ that Monika would be okay with that, okay with being so close to someone like her. Her heart was put into overdrive at the tiny, minuscule thought that maybe it meant something. Sayori's face must have been on fire, and she wanted so badly to say something, to ask for confirmation.

She was paralyzed, torn in two by the want to jump at this opportunity, yet aware that if her feelings were discovered through this, she would be betraying her friend. The last thing Monika needed was to deal with her feelings; she had enough on her plate without adding a bombshell like that.

".... Sayori?" Monika was facing her now, concern painted over her beautiful face. Sayori wanted nothing more than to console her, to tell her that it was fine, that she shouldn't be worrying about her anyway. "It's fine if you would rather not. I would completely understand if that would make you uncomfortable." Words flooded Sayori's mouth, but none came out, the dam of her lips firmly shut in case those terrifying three words spilled out. After a few seconds of petrified silence, Monika grabbed her bag and simply said goodnight. Sayori could only watch her go.

_No._ Regardless of her feelings, Sayori could not let Monika down in her time of need. She had come to Sayori as a friend asking for comfort, and Sayori had denied her that because she was too caught up in her own problems. It was not fair to Monika.

Before she could second-guess herself, Sayori grabbed her bird plush and ran after her friend. Skipping stairs by the twos, she reached her room before Monika could even get through the door.

"Sayori? What's wrong?" The answer came in the form of a hug, something Sayori had been itching to do since Monika had started texting her earlier that night.

"I'm here." Sayori smiled up at her. "So let's sleep together."

....

.... _Oh god_

The words slowly processed in her head, like a cog unwilling to turn at first. When things clicked, she froze. Monika may have been blushing, but Sayori could feel the heat radiating off of her own face.

"Uh, I mean-"

"Share a bed?"

"Yes! Yes ... that." She looked away, trying not to focus on the way Monika shifted around her arms and _oh_ she was still holding her. She pulled away like she'd been burned, turning stiffly into the room. The lights were off, leaving only the faint orange glow of a nearby streetlight to see by. She knew the way to her own bed, but Monika tripped at least twice making the same journey. "Ah, sorry. My place is a bit of a mess." As though Monika had never been there before. Yet, there was still something so new and intimate about this. Sayori tried not to think of it in that way, but the thoughts were persistent.

A light chuckle, as casual as ever. "It's alright."

The haphazardly thrown blankets had long gone cold when they both finally settled in, but the bed was small enough to compensate for it. The two were close enough to feel the other's body heat without having to be on top of each other. Sayori was too embarrassed to sleep facing Monika, but keeping the girl behind her allowed Sayori to have a secret smile on her face, one Monika never had to know about, one Sayori didn't have to feel guilty over.

Minutes passed, quiet but comforting. The gentle but awake breathing of Monika was a lullaby in itself, but Sayori was not going to be so easily tempted into sleep. She did not want to miss a single moment, because for right then, it was just the two of them in her bed. Anything outside of her room was nonexistent, the world fading away with each second. Monika was safe, away from her parents and all the pressures plaguing her life, and Sayori's own negative thoughts were dulled by the mere presence of her. There was nothing in the world that mattered to Sayori more than the girl behind her did in that moment.

Suddenly, she felt hands sliding around her waist, a warm breath on the back of her neck. A voice so soft yet so uncertain brushed pleasantly against her ears. "Thank you, Sayori." Monika cuddled up against her, long legs tangling in her own. Her movements were confident, yet her voice was geniunely innocent, and clearly shaking. "You've been so nice to me.... I just ... want you to know that I do appreciate it. A lot." Just as she was about to respond, Sayori felt pressure against her head. A kiss to her hair.

"Of course! It's what friends are for, right?"

"Yeah. Friends...." The arms started to retreat, but Sayori held them in place with her own. Slowly, tentatively, she pulled one of Monika's hands up to her lips and gave it a gentle kiss. To repay her for the head kiss, of course. If she was asked, that's what she would say.

But Monika did not ask, she just shuffled closer. A hot breath was the only warning she got before a kiss was placed ever-so-gently on the back of her ear, hesitant enough that it seemed like Monika was still testing the waters. Monika's other hand came to brush away some hair before kissing the same spot. Sayori couldn't hold back a shiver at the ticklish sensation, barely managing to keep her breathing in control. Shaking, she turned Monika's hand until she could kiss her palm. She was not sure of the game they were playing, but she knew it was better to stay safe until Monika told her the rules.

Monika pulled away just enough to kiss the back of Sayori's neck, lightly brushing against the baby hairs resting there. In response, Sayori pressed a kiss against the tip of her index finger. The next few kisses were to the spaces between her neck and shoulder on either side, a gentle flurry of lips on skin that Sayori answered with kisses to each knuckle on Monika's hand. The arm returned to her waist, pulling her closer. "I love you," Monika whispered, kissing her cheek.

_As a friend?_ She could not mean anything else, right? Monika was not perfect in the ways that others thought her to be, but she still deserved so much better than someone like her-

Monika pressed down on her until she was lying on her back. Hovering over her, green eyes searched Sayori's face for any sign of a reaction. Was it a trick? A lie? She wanted so badly to believe it, but how could anyone be happy with her? How could anyone, especially Monika of all people, really confess and mean it? She was a mess of a person, recovering but not at the pace she would have liked. She still lacked energy most days, still needed others' help, still dealt with the damage depression did to one's self esteem.

Yet if she did nothing, and Monika was, somehow, being honest....

She had to do something, just in case. Let the girl make fun of her if she wanted. She was not going to miss this chance. She leaned up, squinting her eyes closed and missing Monika's lips by a mile. When she pulled away, Monika was laughing at her, but at least she was smiling. That's all Sayori wanted.

"Here." She titled Sayori by the chin and slowly pressed their lips together. Heaven was found in those soft lips, so patient and calm, even as Sayori's stretched into a smile she couldn't hold back. They parted with giggles, foreheads bumping against each other, hands intertwining.

"I love you too."

Monika smiled, genuine excitement reaching her eyes even after everything she had been through that night. She looked like an angel with the way the orange streetlight highlighted her hair, framing her face and emphasizing that wonderful smile. If that was the last thing Sayori ever saw, she wouldn't mind. Monika's mouth moved, but Sayori wasn't quite listening, too busy admiring the view.

"Come on, Sayo. We should get some sleep. It's late. Or, well, early." Monika moved back beside her, and this time, Sayori wasn't afraid to face her too. As Monika held her, Sayori returned the favor, thanking every god in the universe that she had the opportunity to. "Actually, I know I just said we needed to sleep, but ... would you mind if I vented a little?"

Monika didn't pull back, so neither did Sayori. "Go ahead."

Monika's hands tangled themselves within Sayori's hair, as if it was a kind of comfort. Taking a breath, she started, "My parents ... well, you know how they can be. They aren't bad people, they just ... want what's best for me. Even if that's not what I want. They wanted me to drop the literature club and start looking for volunteer or job opportunities, stuff to flesh out my applications. I told them that there was more than enough time after the club, but then they just. Changed the subject and said that I should be more focused on my future. I can barely keep up as it is, between my grades and everything else. I don't know what else I can do." She practically clung to Sayori as she talked, holding her tighter with every word. Swallowing the discomfort, Sayori drew gentle circles with her hand on Monika's back, hoping to give her some form of comfort.

"And- and I know they want me to succeed like they did, but I don't think that's what I want. I just want to figure things out on my own. Decide for myself. They thought I was being immature, said that you guys were a bad influence because you didn't have any goals or plans. I understand where they're coming from, but that's not what you guys are at all! I've never been happier than I have been at the literature club. You, Yuri, Natsuki ... you all mean the world to me. You matter so much to me." Sayori felt a warm wetness soaking through her shirt as Monika cried into her shoulder.

"Hey...." She stroked Monika's head. "You're okay. It'll be okay. You are so much more than just grades or- or colleges or careers. You'll find something that matters to you, something that you really enjoy doing, and you'll succeed in that. You're smart, so smart. You could make a career out of anything, and make a living off of it. It doesn't have to be something big, just ... something that you love."

Sayori held her as she cried, listening to the snotty "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and repaying each one with a gentle squeeze.

It was probably around five, maybe six in the morning when Monika finally fell asleep, but Sayori wasn't keeping track. As soon as the sobs had quieted into labored breathing, and from that into steadying breaths, Sayori let her own eyes close. She hadn't realized how exhausted she was until sleep started to engulf her. Soon, her thoughts drifted into the darkness, and she let herself finally fall into a deep slumber, content to be with the girl she loved.

\---

It was three in the afternoon when Sayori finally dragged herself out of bed, hair an elaborate bird's nest of tangles and frizz. Monika was already up, her own hair obviously brushed but still worn down as she made a new pot of coffee. She hadn't changed either, continuing to wear the oversized shirt that made Sayori's heart stop. The pure domestic nature of Monika in her house, making coffee in the kitchen after spending the night, made Sayori all the more appreciative of their newfound relationship. If indeed that's what it was.

As she made her way down the stairs, Monika turned to her. As soon as she caught sight of the mess that was Sayori's bedhead, Monika burst out laughing. "Nice." It was still cold out of her bed, but that laugh made the air just a bit warmer. She tiptoed across the kitchen floor and reached around Monika, opening one of the cabinets to start preparing some cereal.

"Want any?" Monika shook her head, patting Sayori gently on the head with a smile. She cocked her head a little at the odd response. "What?"

"Nothing. You're just cute."

She didn't try to hide the blush, not this time, but she did manage to respond. "No you." She bumped Monika's hip with her own as she started pouring the most sugar-loaded cereal she had. Only when she had a mountain of marshmallows did she take it to the living room and go back for the milk; it was easier to carry the bowl _before_ it was overflowing, after all. Monika settled beside her, watching with a judgemental eye as Sayori tried to keep the cereal in the bowl and pour the milk at the same time. 

A lazy silence stretched over them like a blanket. The afternoon sun lit the room, nearly as warm and comforting as Monika's presence. She let herself rest easy for a few moments and forget about their worries for just a bit longer.

There was still a question in Sayori's mind, however. One she had meant to ask before, but had forgotten about by the time she felt comfortable asking. Gulping down her latest bite, she tried to sound calm. "Do ... do your parents know you're here? Just wondering."

Monika slurped her coffee thoughtfully, then shrugged. "I told them that I was going to stay the night at a friend's, but I ... didn't exactly ask for their permission." She gave her a lopsided, apologetic smile. "I kind of turned my phone off as soon as I got in the car. I guess I was ... really hoping you would let me stay."

"It's fine. I'm glad I did." Sayori gave her a reassuring smile, trying to push away the slight concern over the possibility that Monika's parents had called the police and reported her missing. Instead, she focused on her cereal, scooping up all of the marshmallows she could fit in one spoonful. Monika wrapped her free arm around Sayori's shoulders and gave her a half hug.

"I'm glad you did too." She lightly kissed the side of Sayori's head. Sayori wanted to let that be it and just enjoy the day, but ... she had one last question.

"And ... about us...."

Monika cocked her head, putting her coffee down. "Mmmm, I'm not sure." Her voice was laced with a teasing sarcasm. "Really good friends?" She leaned heavily against Sayori to punctuate the false question. Sayori promptly shoved her off.

"I'm serious!" A part of her, loud enough to be heard over her common sense, questioned if Monika _was_ being serious and had come to regret what happened last night. What if she had not really meant it? What if she had just needed some form of connection in an emotionally trying time, and used Sayori to get it? Would she go so far as to kiss her if that was truly the case?

Monika brushed some hair away from Sayori's face, the tips of her fingers tickling her cheek. "Hey, look at me." Reluctantly, she obeyed, meeting Monika's earnest green eyes. "I would be honored to date someone as kind as you. _If_ that's alright with you, of course."

Sayori nodded, just enough for Monika to take it as an answer. With a smile, Monika pressed a quick peck to her lips. "So ... girlfriends?" Her hands intertwined with Sayori's, calloused and comforting.

Sayori smiled back, returning the kiss. "Girlfriends."

She had never felt so warm.

**Author's Note:**

> A song I listened to while writing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AREDtpRZTSA
> 
> I have a lot of fics I want to work on, but honestly just getting this one thing done feels nice. Thank you PseudonymousBotched for looking this over for me. I really appreciate it. :D


End file.
